Joseph Enterprises Files suit against makers of Hurricane Katrina

In the wake of Hurricane Katrina as water levels have receded, the White house has issued a report on what they are calling "the saddest part of this disaster." Rescue and cleanup workers are finding thousands of overgrown Chia pets. Some of them nearly filling entire rooms. Others of them being deemed "unidentified Dangerous Plant Life (U.D.P.L.)" after having been biologically altered in the toxic flood waters which has in effect created "Chia Monsters" worthy of comparison to any fictitious creature in literary history. There are even reports of these monsters attacking and devouring humans and small animals, as well as having devoured bodies left in the ruins of Hurricane Katrina.

HAZMAT specialists as well as S.W.A.T. teams and Special Forces assigned to the area have failed to contain the genetically altered and vicious plant life. A short interview with a "soldier" on a break yielded this comment; "None of us have seen anything this horrifying since we watched Attack of the Killer Tomato\'s in training classes for situations just like this.... man... you just don't expect it to be so real when you are in class.... in some areas it is as bad as the classic training flick "The Blob,".... really.... it is that bad.... they...it..whatever... is eating anything fleshy! At first we thought that someone just left their "Chia Dogs" in the panic... but then we realized that they weren't "Chia Dogs".... it had just grown on them... it is eating them alive! They run around in the street... oh.. the horror...the horror!"

Joseph Enterprises (The marketers of the Chia Pet lines) has began the formalities to file suit against the makers of Hurricane Katrina for causing the catastrophe which genetically altered it's otherwise impotent and harmless line of fake pets.

"This could be a windfall for Joseph Enterprises" said Mr. Crackaplaya, one of their spokes men in a slur, between guzzles of malt liquor. "It's even better than you all might think.... you see.... we just had a run in with a line of Chia Pets we were test marketing to rival the continually expounding success of the "Blow Up Sheep. The Chia Pet Love doll is.... wu..was a new line of artificial intimate companions which we were directing at the 17-27 year old male market... it's...was... for all us guys who are spending more and more time alone these days..... but it definitely isn't for sissies as our test marketing has found."

In further statements Chia's spokesperson went on to describe through staggered speech, some obvious flaws that were over looked while developing and marketing the product in the "love doll" demographic; "First we realized we needed to re-think the "Chia Glove" and "Chia Stud" love companion dolls when over 95% of both males and females in our test groups developed severe friction burns. someone failed to recognize that no matter how long you soak it, the Chia's trademark products are still hard clay. There were several (nearly innumerable) allergic reactions of varying degrees as well... which is kind of cool in some ways... you know the gross welts and sores and stuff. The best news is that all of the lawsuits filed against us from the failed products, have been offset with the kickbacks we have received from the pharmaceutical companies."

In what many within the Jospeh Enterprises family consider to be very good fortune in that respect, it has been established that Chia Pet's failed line of intimate companions is actually responsible for the inadvertent creation of a yet to be identified strain of disease through the activity of repeated intimate interaction.

Several celebrity personalities including J.K. Rowling, Julia Louise Dreyfus, Seinfeld and the fat guy that plays George, are reported to be disappointed with the recall.

All 7-11 convenience stores have removed the "Chia Pet Love Doll" from their shelves.

One of the major pharmaceutical companies involved in the kickback scheme issued this statement; "This (the failed Chia Pet Love doll line) has provided opportunity unmatched in history for the experimentation and introduction of several "new" forms and combinations of drugs."

This "good fortune" will be in addition to the coincidental, yet incredibly monstrous developments around the Hurricane Katrina disaster. All have been assured that both of these genetically freakish incidents are entirely unrelated.

None of the Governmental departments in charge of introducing toxic viruses into society could be reached for comment pertaining to such an un-expected and formidable rivalry with their specific specialties.

These successes are to be celebrated in true victory fashion at the next Chia Pet convention in Vegas. "Yeah, Vegas baby!" Said Mr. Crackaplaya before he passed out over the front row of chairs in the conference room.