PROSTHETIC BULGE TOPS LISTS THIS HOLIDAY SEASON!
WORLD NEWS- Topping most major consumer and market lists this year the prosthetic bulge produced by the "Wonder Undies Co. Incorporated" in Seattle, Washington broke records in two categories.
According to Forbes, Reuters and The Wall Street Journal, the first record was set for the volume of "units" sold before the holiday and new year, in the underwear and lingerie categories.
According to most retailers and city refuse disposal employees, the second record was set by the "Wonder Undies" for returns and discards.
Apparently, judging from the commentary obtained from city dump truck guys and gals... there was a very small percentage of them still in the "package." This means that people actually tried them at least once before throwing them away....which means that they probably had allot of explaining to do when they got as far as dropping trow and gettin' down to business.
Yes, it seems that there is still "one born every minute."
Coincidently, there was a spike in the "excuse a day calendar" sales reported entirely independent of "Wonder Undies." As well as a bum rush of calls to "Wonder Undies" asking for a replacement booklet titled "What the fuck do I say after my pants are off" which apparently NONE of the "Wonder Undies" were "packaged " with contrary to the little picture on the back of the box that said "Includes a booklet of things to say once your pants are off and it is obvious that you have stuffed your pants with a prosthetic enhancement."
Many of the consumers of this product thought it would be best to no longer sell it as a "stand alone" item, but perhaps include it in a "package" with a set of detachable strap ons and perhaps even a dinner voucher for two, at Denny's, Applebee's, Burger King or any other comparable restaurant establishment.
All agreed that there should be a removable sticker to be placed on the wearer that states it is a prosthetic enhancement. A disclaimer of sorts.
There were hoards of suggestions for including it in various "adult costume" packages.
It was also reported that the lowest percentage of returns and discards was in the celebrity consumer area, as well as the top 5% income bracket in the United States. Apparently is does "wonders" for enhancing "on screen image" as well as live performance "presence." Factually, it is rumored that most talent management agencies and companies have them on hand as "standard issue" for new "talent" entering their stables.
Grace Tailor of Emrolled City Talents had nothing but raves for the "Wonder Undies Co. Incorporated's" products. "They look so tasty! The first time I got a real eye full... I could hardly keep myself from the restroom...and the first time I got a real handful in a casting couch session...let us just say that they have a very life like feel as well. I personally can't wait until they come out with a pulsating model."
It is also rumored that the "Wonder Undies Co. Incorporated" is currently soliciting celebrity representation for their product in the public arena. Or even just celebrity look alikes that haven't "gone porn" yet.
To contact "Wonder Undies Co. Incorporated" concerning your purchase or any other information;
Put your thumb between your lips and blow really hard.
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