Drug Agents Can't Keep Up With Growing Plants!

It was reported today that the Drug Enforcement Agencies within the U.S. have admitted that they just can't keep up with the drug producers and traffickers.


"Who can blame them though, really? Do any of you realize how stoned they must be?" said the leading secret drug fighter guy agent. "I'm kind of jealous actually when I think about it.... all I get to do is smoke the occasional joint... maybe toot a little snow, smoke a little snow cone now and then... those guys... man! They get to smoke TONS of pot! Literally TONS! I'm out here risking my ass for a few dime bags and pipe hits.... those guys get to fly helicopters and rappel... and go for long walks... all while incredibly stoned. How much fun is that... flying a helicopter stoned out of your mind? I WANT A RAISE YOU BASTARDS!"


Though his statement seemed a bit self absorbed, he did make a few really good points. Enough so as to garner a review of his performance for the purpose of getting a raise. The last offer which was reported, was an extra kilo of blow, and three tons of primo smoke for the next ten years.


"That is going to be hard to accept" he said.... "think about it... really.. these guys stand around piles of burning pot... just being stoned and hiking out in nature... no wonder they can't keep up. They don't even use drug dogs out there anymore 'cause it just totally blows their minds. Imagine how much of a trip it would be to rappel out of a chopper while you are that stoned? Now imagine having to do it if you were a dog... a REALLY stoned dog?"


Noone can seem to get the "guys" together long enough for their take on the situation. "Stoned in the woods" isn't a very organized activity and no one wants to go out there when theirs loads of really stoned soldier types with loaded fire arms and a psychological disposition that any inner city individual would envy.

Imagine the paranoia you would experience in the wilderness while being so stoned you can't even keep up with growing plant life? It must be an entirely new time zone if you know what I mean.


So here is my position on this matter;

Plants really don't grow that fast. Drug agents that can't keep up with them must be incredibly stoned. Incredibly stoned agents with fire arms in the woods = This reporter not being that interested in the story enough to get an interview.


What do they do for the munchies? M.R.E.'s?