Business and Sports; Pig Racing Finds New Niche!

Pig Races are to become instrumental in decision making for business transactions as well as political decision making on the North, South and Central America's continents.

Not to be left behind, the incredibly efficient hog racing system is rumored to soon be employed within several international relationships as well.

"The Sport of Kings is just to easy to rig and Elephant Polo just moves too slow to keep up with our modern needs" stated Dr. Greasysqueel of the International Bored Business Guy Organization. "It was obvious that something had to be re-established to accommodate so many different wants and needs on the international scene. Hog Racing.... Pig Racing just fit the bill....like a dainty little foot in a glass slipper.... we all just knew that it was the way to go. And it is much more fair than is the common "hooker off's" that we were all supposedly accustomed to for so long."

When applying for the regulatory licensing and approval from the Anti-International Bored Business Guy Organization, the I.B.B.G.O. was actually met with incredible amounts of encouragement as well as many requests for box season seat reservations. It would seem that they have really hit a nerve with the pig racing.

"It already had an incredibly large fan base" said Dr. Greasysqueel, "so much so that ever our sworn "Neverland" enemies were head over heals for the idea.... many of them wanted to participate even, but we all thought that would tip their hand as to their actual genetic make up as creatures on the planet. I should say that such a level of interest in participation has spurred the A.-I.B.B.G.O. to begin to organize such functions for company picnics within their own chapters. It should be noted that our two groups have finally found a way to get over the fact that neither of us are bigger, gluttonous pigs than are the others. There is a certain level of joy in laughing at ones self... isn't there?"

Many other humanitarian groups are concerned that such an activity possesses the inherent danger and risk of becoming an all out war through the competivness between the two pig factions. Both wanting to be seen as the larger pig entity for some reason, which has long been the source of the discrepancies between the two groups to begin with.

"Before you know it, those ol' hog bodies 'll be out their a-forgetting' all about the racin' and just wollowin' around, squeelin', fighten and roottin' for slop over each other. It's really important that we make sure it just remains hog 'racing' and don't go no fuuuuther" said Ol' Ma Curlytail of the A.-I.B.B.G.O.

"Thaaaat's right!" said Pa Gruntanoink of the I.B.B.G.O., quickly concurring so as not to miss out on anything that might be due to such a comment. "We really got to make sure them ol' pigs stay on that race track... don't want no piglets 'er chidrens gettin' all caught up in it.... you seen how bad them race car wrecks can be.... well let me tell ya', hell and got nothin'... ain't got no wrath like a hog race crash! There just ain't no worse kind of ugly sichiashun."

".....and lord save us if they start a puttin' hungry hogs out there!" continued Ol' Ma Curlytail. "They might get faster dogs chasin funny bunnies if thay's hongrey.... but it just ain't a good idea to put a hungry pig on a race track... 'specially with other hungry pigs....."

"Thaaaat's right!" said Pa Gruntanoink "...and it just ain't humane ta' boot!"

There is speculation on making sure that all participating nations abide with current laws and regulations pertaining to steroid use and other chemical, performance enhancement drugs in hog racing.

There is also nearly an entirely new industry developing around making sure that all participatin interests have adequate hogs to enter as representation. This comes as a surprise to many, due to the historically fierce competitiveness and pride element traditionally surrounding the sport of hog racing. The coveted Racing Hog House of Speed has agreed to sponsor an international training program through modifying part of their organization, the R.H.H.S. into a new branch; The International Racing Hog House of Speed. It will apparently bea very rigorous and thorough training and dietary program to be subsidized from various areas, including the bacon/ham/pork products industry, as it has been found that physically active, corn fead hogs yield a better bacon.

"It's all in the 'ntrest o' bein' fair an' equal" snorted Ol' Ma Curlytail....

"Thaaat's right!" concurred Pa Gruntanoink "Just ta make durn good an' sure it's all on the level.... and doncha' go tryin' t' sneak none o' them sissified mushroom sniffers in there.... that just ain't gonna waarsh.... I tell ya' they won't stand a chance 'gainst a trained racin' hog! Just wouldn't be fair t' them mushroom pigs...."

It is expected that the celebrity community is to embrace this activity fully. Even to the point of free appearances for promotion and charities associated with the merchandising and marketing aspects of the sport for the general public.

"It really is quite brilliant" added Professor Mudhole, "the issues get settled and everybody gets to watch as it happens.... even participate at the level of cheering for their favorite pig as well as using the publicity for other purposes. I personally can't wait for an autographed hog racing picture with Tom Cruise and especially with some of those leggier, starlet types. There's just something about a hog and pretty girl... wouldn't you agree?"





Photo; Santa Cruz Fair.com