SANTA STILL AT LARGE!

It has recently been established that the notorious Santa Claus is still at large. Parents be advised.

Though it is that Santa Claus has continued to "slip the noose," N.O.R.A.D. has not lost spirit in their efforts to contain the holiday menace.

A spokesperson for the security agency has assured our people that the hunt for Santa will continue and "official Santa Hunting Season" for everyone else will begin on schedule again this year.

You are encouraged to take part in this hunt and are as well encouraged to send email which will be delivered to the scoundrel once he is captured.

"Really give this critter a piece of your mind!" stated the secretary of defense. "We have lived under the yoke of cookies and milk tyranny for long enough!"

You are also encouraged to call N.O.R.A.D. with any information of tips you may have concerning the current where-abouts of the "Jolly Little Elf or any of his accomplices." (Please see the contact information at the end of this story).

With the recent release of information in the press absolving the U.S. military of wrong doing in the treatment and torture of prisoners as well as civilians, the National Security Agency has breathed a sigh of relief in regard to some questions that were brought up pertaining to the humanitarian elements of actually hunting Santa Claus. "Nope... Nope...no..na.. we are all in the clear on this Santa thing.... if we can get the public to believe that torturing people is within the confines of the law... then we have absolutely no worries in regard to hunting down a jolly little fat elf. In fact, we might just hand out a few awards for it."

The pressure has been mounting on the organization known as N.O.R.A.D. in recent months with the holidays upon us. Specifically from the corporate entities that most certainly will benefit from his capture due to their investment in Captain Trademark and Co., as well as some from the J.K. Rowling camp. It seems that Harry Potter wants every last drop of the holiday cheer this year.... any way he can get it.

It is also reported that many of the more militant female organizations have posted independent rewards for the fat little elf's testicles..... as they are "done with being subjugated by all men in society.... including jolly little fat elves."

There is even rumor of rewards being offered for the capture of the drunk guy in the Santa Suits on the corner and in department stores.

"Any likeness of Santa will bring cash money rewards...." stated the anonymous spokesperson for N.O.R.A.D. "Even the little snow globe jobbers and crepe paper cut outs."

We will keep you posted as this situation develops.

Contact N.O.R.A.D. with any leads or information to the location of Santa and his band of corporate profit pilfering elves;

NorthPole@OfficialSantaMail.com
subject=Looking for Santa


Telephone N.O.R.A.D. with any information;

1-877-Hi NORAD (1-877-446-6723) or 1-719-474-2111


Track the Santa Hunt here beginning November 25, 2005;
http://www.noradsanta.org/



(Photo: NORAD)