Whisker Pokin' Falls Short Of Demands!

In a report to be published just before the Valentine Holiday, most couples around the world have stated in a survey that they are not getting enough quality time in the sack.

"We just aren't getting enough pokes in the whiskers" said Anita Weenie of the Women’s Coalition for Friction Burns when asked what she thought of the results of this survey. "It seems to me that what is happening is that we just aren't getting the romp time we really desire."

When asked if she thought maybe the survey was a bit inaccurate, she responded with this; "I think it's probably pretty accurate. Really, it's just about all that we think about.. even though you would never know it with the posture that we take in situations where we could actually add to the whisker poking tally. It's that "slut" thing that really bothers us."

Why would promiscuity have to be so related to whisker poking? I asked in the interest of journalism. Why not just be open and forthright with your chosen partner?

"See, that's the problem" she then stated, "why should we have to just have one tallywhacker when there are so many of them out there for poking?"

Don't you think that is a contradiction with your outward aversion to being thought of as loose or slut-like? I then asked, again solely in the interest of quality reporting.

"No" she responded, "it should be a big secret and we should just be able to drop trow whenever we want because that is what women’s lib is for."

Have you ever heard of Typhoid Mary? I asked... and again without meaning any offense... simply for the purpose of journalism.

"Yeah, she was famous" she said, "and besides, that's what the pills are for."

What about the responsibility that goes along with sexual "liberation?" I asked her. What of "commitment and the white dresses and other ritual within society that are so sought after in the female population?

"Don't try and enslave me with that responsibility stuff, man!" she replied, "that stuff is just to try and keep the women’s movement down. And besides" she then continued, "commitment means that we girls get to be slutty how ever we want until we get nervous about being old and then some guy gets to commit to us so we can have everything that we want the quick way.... AND something Old, Something new, Something borrowed and something blue... IN A BIG WHITE DRESS!" she yelled.

What about the actual ritual meaning within those "white dress" wants? I then asked as calmly as possible.

"Ritual stuff is just to keep the women’s movement down, man! And it's for old people, anyway unless it is cool secret witch stuff" was her response.

Why would you want to be part of it so badly then? I continued to inquire. The big white dress... the ceremonies.... that silly stuff?

"Because it is every girls right!" she then snorted.

Why tie yourself in such knots? I asked her. With so many modern options at societies disposal... why then cling to the "virginal" imagery when your version of "feminine power" is all between your legs?

"You mean you think that it isn't about my whisker patch?" she asked rhetorically.

"In so many words," I stated in response. "You see, you are removing the actual power in femininity through many of your dependent leanings which you think give you some advantage in the compromise you have orchestrated to serve the false version of feminine freedom.... in my opinion, that is."

"But don't you want to poke me in the whiskers?" she then asked, "Are you a homo or something?" she added in an effort to barb my position.

"Sure" I replied, "there's really nothing like a good ol' poke in the whiskers.... but the manner in which you, in the generation of your "movement" have "progressed," really has removed the actual options in such exchanges..... you have convinced yourselves that the "whisker patch" is the basis of civilization and key to gaining some undisputed control... and in doing so, you have presented the potential for it to actual become the biggest detriment there-in. Further posing the danger of a loss of control unmatched in history in regard to the progress of civilization. It would seem that you have allowed the movement to achieve feminine equality and freedom, which equates to responsibilities as well, to be turned into some non existent direction in an effort to attain some semblance of dominance. Dominance, that obviously your movement wants nothing real to do with in regard to the immense responsibilities of achieving an outright position of undisputed and unchecked sway, which none other have EVER had. In short, somehow it would seem as though you have come to think that the way to attaining what you call freedom is through a reckless disregard and abuse of your counterpart here, in this world.... given that YOU are a heterosexual, of course."

"Why can't you just want to poke me in the whiskers and be dumb?" she then stated.

"Again, I don't see where on is of relation to the other.... and further, the progress and development of humans dictates that such is not an option.... especially and because of, the very twisted modern version of that which you call women’s liberation. That progressing change alone, will and does make for many other peripheral changes. One of which being the creation of so many other options in the "simple" version you employ, for men as well..... besides, have you looked at the population of the world, lately?" I then asked.

"What does that have to do with anything?" she then asked in response. "Population, that is?"

"The fact that there are so many people in the world.... some of which is due to those unbridled "freedoms" in their misuse, means a lesser value on that "patch of whiskers" that you see as such a commodity. The overpopulation means that the "little pleasure pot" is relegated to just that... it has lost much of the actual value it once embodied... which then turns the whole thing into a realm of prostitution and with no more or less value than that" was my direct and calm response.

"I don't get it?" she then said in a sad effort to dodge the situation.

"It's really quite simple" I then continued, "you have simply devalued that which you see as your greatest commodity through the misuse of that which was set forward to bolster such otherwise inherent values. In relegating yourselves to secrecy and promiscuity as the set standard and goal of such a "movement," you have actually relegated the entirety of worth given in the possession of a "patch of whiskers" to nothing more than pleasure...... a toy, as it were, which in turn is directly contradictory to that "movement" which you see as your greatest weapon in seeking the false goal of dominance.... again," I then stated "in my humble opinion. ..... And I should say that it's O.K. with me when it comes to Brass Tacks... like I said, there are already far too many people in the world.... and I do enjoy a good poke in the whiskers as much as the next guy or gal... ummm, excuse me, I mean as much as the next guy or empowered neo-feminist."

"You mean I am being a hooker when I thought I was roaring like a lioness?" she then asked.

"That part is for you to figure out" I then said, "you who are so much in control and liberated in the bent direction of the "path of least resistance" you have chosen" I replied.

"You are dumb" she then said. "How are you ever going to find any whiskers to poke?" she asked me. "How else are we supposed to be "good to go" and be able to poke some whiskers anytime, if we have to worry about being a virgin?"

"That is part of my point in your contradiction" I responded. "It is your want to still be seen and benefit from some virginal reputation... which soon becomes the focus of your efforts, which leads to not much whisker poking at all, anyway. Which then in turn, just makes you crazier than you already were.... which then makes you all the more, less desirable to be with in any degree.... even for the simple romp and roll of a good bout of whisker poking... which then makes you madder... which then leads to more misuse in gaining some imaginary vengeance, of the potentials within such a "movement" as that which you wield as weaponry."

"How come you don't want to poke me in the whiskers?" she then stated.

"Like I was saying" I then began to again explain, "it's just too expensive in allot of ways, for what you actually get these days... and like I was saying, there isn't a need, or even a possible way in which to falsify a need to actually put any effort into chasing a patch of whiskers to poke..... from the heterosexual males view, anyhow.... but that is part of the responsibility that females have forgotten in the misdirection of the malicious use of such supposed "freedoms." It is very much up to the female to pursue within the dynamic of our modern day AND that which they all claim to be a part of and want as their standards. But laughably, the modern "feminist" is incredibly susceptible to school yard manipulations... and that coupled with the lack of commitment level within the new version of such a "movement," truly bodes ill for humanity and civilization.... which really is a good thing considering the fact, as I have stated, that there are just too many people in the world."

"You are really dumb" said Anita Weenie. "I don't want to talk to you anymore and I am going to tell all of my friends that, too. You are just judgmental and I will not allow myself to be subjugated with it! We should be able to poke whiskers anytime we want to."

"Here Here!" I concurred, "any time that you want to... so why the continued interest in things like marriage and ceremonies celebrating individual unions when you truly only want "freedom" and "secrecy"... as if the two were compatible?"

"I am calling my lawyer!" said Anita Weenie, "because you are dumb."