IRREFUTABLE PROOF PRESENTED IN FAVOR OF EVOLUTION!

WORLD NEWS RELEASE;
Dr. Skidmarks of the Institute Set Forward To Insist On The Validity Of Evolution has recently presented what he (and his followers) are calling irrefutable proof substantiating the most widely upheld perception of evolution. He did so in a press release which we here at STOP SNIFFING YOUR FINGERS were fortunate enough to receive.

Dr. Skidmarks has used the data from a study he and his interns have just completed which involves the human tendency to gravitate toward bathroom humor and more specifically, the human fascination with the game of "Pull My Finger."

In the study he reveals the rock solid connection between the initial forms of "Pull My Finger" and the modern slot machines, and as well uses it to cite the just as firm proof in the progress of man. Using this progression in social development as a parallel to illustrate the most definite direction of physical and mental development of humans.

In their study, they not only cite the evident progress from the standard "Pull My Finger" to the slot machine, but as well explore the issue and connections more deeply. Within such they have discovered the earlier progress pertaining to the first times a human like creature decided that something more productive could be done with the average and seemingly random fart.

As Dr. Skidmarks has noted, the initial fascination with farts was amplified through efforts none too different than modern advertising techniques. "You see" stated Dr. Skidmarks, "one of the earlier examples of human like creatures showed remarkable progress in development through happening upon the thought of actually promoting the use of the random fart in a scripted and very definite manner. In essence, the fact that there is a game like 'Pull My Finger' is evidence itself of the progress and 'Evolution' of humans." He continued to explain; "Simply consider that for some amount of time, the more ignorant and less developed human creature existed in a way where their farts were just kind of happenstance..... much like the average animal. But, as humans developed, one of them somewhere along the line began to display that progress in actually seeing more potential in the fart than just the random breaking of wind. In their early cunning they developed the staging, use and control of all which a fart displays in converting it into a rather enjoyable game. This shows an incredible amount of progress and development."

The study itself was issued in a 900 page report which is far too much to include in this piece, but I am sure that you can get the idea from what is presented.

Dr. Skidmarks went on to explain that in their belief, sometime just after the "Sea Monkey" stage of human existence... and of course given the nature of the game "Pull My Finger," sometime after humans went through the "Monkey Fin" stage that the rudimentary elements of "Pull My Finger" were developed.

Many speculate in a sort of hopeful, pipe dream way, that the initial versions of "Pull My Finger" could have been first begun in the form of "Pull My Fin" or even "Pull My Sea Monkey Tail," but it is widely known that this is mostly due to the hopeful elements of someday being able to re-enact such while in the bathtub or swimming pool. In so many words, many of the interns involved with this study just wanted to have an excuse to fart allot in the public swimming pools.... and of course while they were splashing about in the weekly bath.

As they delved even further into the hot trail of "Pull My Finger," it was soon realized that it would only be a matter of time before humans developed things such as slot machines. The simple brilliance of the "Pull My Finger" development is just far too strong not to have continued to evolve... and in that, continued to influence the evolution of humans through the psychological association of such developments, even subconsciously.

"In fact" stated Dr. Skidmarks, "it could be safely said that we as a species and society owe everything to the game of "Pull My Finger" in entirety. Everything we know, have invented and have developed can be traced directly back to the point of the very first game of "Pull My Finger." Until that time, everything was simply random and without any sort of meaning or exchange. Even the act of eating was just a random thing without any insight into the reasons for it. It does sound quite odd, but in examining it even the pleasures humans derive from eating are directly as result of the development of "Pull My Finger." It is only after and during the perfection of various forms of "Pull My Finger" that humans began to explore 'pleasure' in other, up until then seemingly meaningless and mundane activities.

It still goes on today in many ways" he then continued. "It is simply that people do not associate it with the origins anymore. We have in fact discovered that everything ever developed is directly related to "Pull My Finger." It is simply that with each new, more complicated version of "Pull My Finger" that is introduced, the farther it is then perceived that we as a species have moved away from the more rudimentary concept. BUT, and this is a big but, the fact of the matter is that "Pull My Finger" may just be the center of everything. It is the only thing, through all of the years of development and change, which has remained with it's initial allure and staying power. That is to say that no matter how the initial concept has been developed or "progressed," the very first version of it is still much unchanged though still possessing that magnificent element which maintains its importance within the species and society. There are more parallels than can be cited.
In fact... and this might just be a national secret" said Dr. Skidmarks in a soft tone, "we have it on good authority that many of the worlds super computers are in the process of tracking the "Pull My Finger" relationship with everything else on the planet. It is really exciting! It has even been said in the science community, much to the dismay of the mathematicians, that all of the computer power previously dedicated to tracking PI, has now been relegated to computing the percentage level relationship with "Pull My Finger" and everything else that is within our existence. It is truly a ground breaking realization pertaining to the relevance of Pull My Finger."


With that, Dr. Skidmarks took his leave to celebrate a round or two of Pull My Finger with some interns, and he did so with the biggest, happiest smile I have ever seen on anyones face.

He must really be onto something!

Congratulations Dr. Skidmarks!

Moron this as it develops.