GOLDEN TICKETS ALL GONE!

Thousands have been left with shattered hopes upon the release of information pertaining to the Golden Ticket Lottery for re-entry into New Orleans. Mr. Wonka could not be reached for comment.

"ALL of the Golden tickets have been issued" stated the Department For Golden Ticket Issuance to much despare and even talk of investigation based on favoritism.

"We really didn't know that the Golden Ticket Lottery to go back to New Orleans would be in such demand. Really, we kind of thought that with all of the talk about how terrible things are there, that most people would just want to go somewhere else... you know, like that early scam with naming Greenland and Iceland.... everyone wanted to go to Greenland but not Iceland, because of the hype about "Green-land" opposed to "Ice-land." We just didn't expect such a surge. Maybe there are more people that want in on the coming gobs of money from the government than most people expected.... but I have some bad news for them.... all that money is just going to a select few corporations and entities when it's all told. There's really nothing to be that excited about around all of the dollar signs in the media..." said the spokeman for the newly developed Department For Golden Ticket Issuance (D.F.G.T.I.) "And really, it's still pretty dangerous down there.... no one really knows how many of those genetic mutant Chia Pets are still on the prowl... they haven't rounded them all up yet."

Grousing was fairly common around the milk crate Golden Ticket Outlets which resembled lemonade stands, through out most cities yesterday when news was broken pertaining to the last Golden Ticket being gone. "It's a set up!" "What a jip!" "My dad said I could have one! I'm telling my mom! She know's people!" All fell on the def ears of those members of the D.F.G.T.I.

In an official statement from the D.F.G.T.I. Sticky Palms the Pick Pocket said; "What more could we do? There were only so many 'minted' for distrobution and we distributed them accordingly. There really isn't anything confusing about the Golden Ticket Scam... other than why it still works in 2005.... but that's an entirely different story."

Riot Police had to be called in to quiet crowds in several areas.