Great Barrier Reef Relocation Project

In light of the falling tourism dollars in Australia pertaining to "diving" the Great Barrier Reef due to "big scarey sharks." The Australian tourism council has reportedly begun a project to relocate the Great Barrier Reef for the convenience of sniveling ninnies that don't have the balls to actually dive it, but seem to think they should still be able to experience it. Most of these mush pie individuals hale from the U.S. and are mostly the children of the Y.U.P.ie generation, though some are of the "upper class" in regard to yearly income (of their parents).

The destination of the relocation is still "on the drawing board" but is narrowed down to one of a few locations... all being converted swimming pools, though only one of which is a "public pool." The for-runner for receiving the Great Barrier Reef has not been disclosed, but it is widely believed to be someone with a large swimming pool and loads of spare cash.

There is also speculation of disbursing the Great Barrier Reef into several locations.... different piece's for different swimming pools which would really help with the over crowding aspects of cramming it all into one swimming pool. This would also open the possibilities of customized vacation packages as well as scavenger hunt excursions for senior centers and grade schools.

A special saw has been developed for the removal process, and the Bush Administration as well as B.P. can rest assured that it will use tons of oil! No less than 10 million barrels for the cutting aspects alone. Though no one really seems to care, the environmentalists will be stricken to know that no clean up of the area is planned nor will be implemented... "Frankly, because we don't have to any more" said a representative of the non renewable energy source council.

Many committees have been formed to decide what to do with the huge crevices that will be left behind when the Great Barrier Reef is removed. The "hot" suggestion at this point is to "just fill it up with our nuclear waste and garbage." As was stated in an anonymous comment from "The committee to Pretend to be Deciding about Important Issues So We Can Get Free Money."

The C.P.D.I.I.F.M. declined further comment on the record, citing the "security sensitivity" about anyone else knowing that they are a fraudulent bunch of sleezeball filth. None would be coaxed into comment even when informed that no one else on the planet believes that they mean any actual good to anything. They unanimously chose to continue their record setting level of self importance and denial.... opting quite publicly, to remain opaque and without commitment to public comment on any issue of import.

Disney is reportedly in a secret bidding war for the rights to damage and display at least a larger part of the Great Barrier Reef than any other business interest involved with the Great Barrier Reef relocation project.