In Time For The Holidays; iPOD FOR PETS!

Steve Jobs announced yesterday, that Apple will launch a line of iPODS directed at the pet market. It will debut with a version designed specifically for owners of Parrots that wish to train their birds to speak without having to put up with repetitious audio blaring throughout the house all day.

The engineers have reportedly opted for an "over the head" type of transducer unit for the birds, since designing very small head phones to "fit their tiny little ears" would prove to be far too time consuming if at all possible. The "over the head" transducer unit will also save the pet owner the trouble of trying to locate those "tiny little ears" when they plunge their unsuspecting parrots into audio repetition hell for the sake of having a cheap party laugh with their regurgitation of the programmed material.

PETA has yet to comment, waiting for the publics response so as not to lose any political ground in opposing something that just might become so popular that chemical experimentation on chimps could very well be re-instituted within the science community.

The designs for other pets are in the workings, including one specifically for chameleons which will incorporate a special frequency program that will make their eyes move and color change in conjunction with the material on the iPOD player... much like the "audio sensitive" motorized novelties that can be purchased at any gag store. This should make for quite the exciting new way to enjoy your lizard pet. The long term hopes for this specific model is to achieve a permanent effect on the chameleons that will translate into such sensitivity to normal every day noises as well.... such as the music playing on your stereo.

The model for dogs is to be geared toward a "training workout" of sorts. the material to be played into their little doggie ears, will directly be affiliated with common commands they are normally taught to obey such as "sit," "lay down," "roll over," "speak." This model will come with a cautionary statement and disclaimer warning the users NOT to leave the pet unattended for extended periods of time, as the "work out" itself could become harmful after several hours of repetition... forcing the mind numbed pet into extreme states of exhaustion and perhaps cardiac arrest.

Cats will be issued a combination of "smooth jazz" and "Muppet reruns," laced with the occasional "meow" of some other cat, as they couldn't really give a shit anyway.