Oil over $65 dollars per barrel, Naked Twister to Blame!

NEW YORK - Oil prices jumped by almost $2 a barrel on Wednesday after the government reported a drop in U.S. oil inventories last week. Analysts said this was due almost entirely to the celebrity populations recent infatuation with Naked Twister ("Twister" a Hasbro Trademark) and the mind boggling amount of oils that are consumed in such an activity. They also expect U.S. oil demand to continue to increase as the celebrity population is considering public displays of Naked Twister to benefit the victims of Hurricane Katrina and as the nation recuperates from Hurricane Katrina. After some moments of speculation, the analysts extended this forecast in light of the amount of time the nation will need to recuperate from witnessing the celebrity Naked Twister matches... not to mention the shock to the entertainment market when such boughts are issued on DVD/VHS.

Many speculate that the more difficult recoveries are going to be from having to actually see Oprah Winfrey naked, all oiled up and contorted during her match ups. The analysts are betting that the pharmaceutical industry is going to reap a windfall from psychological damages that such harrowing exposure is going to impart upon society.

These numbers had to be adjusted when it was found that the massive amounts of bourbon being consumed at these private Naked Twister events DID NOT qualify as gasoline... nor did the near tonnage of high grade cocaine being devoured equate to "coke resins" or any petroleum based resins.

For this little oversight in the celebrity populations bid to influence the American and World oil markets, as well as the over all stock trade.... Allan Greenspan ordered severe spankings for those celebrities involved and demanded that Celebrity Naked Twister go public to "right the great wrong which they have done," he was quoted as saying.

The celebrity population has responded with a plea bargain of sorts, asking that the worlds oil companies unite under the British Petroleum company in return for their services over a fifty year period in not only taped and broadcast Celebrity Naked Twister matches, but personal appearances for the executive employees of the oil companies that will have now been under the B.P. umbrella. This would serve to give them all something to do with their business day besides shuffling papers, pretending to be busy, plotting their own world take over and writing off their personal exuberant debts. It would also eleviate the need to come up with what they think are creative ways to justify the outrageous price of oil.... everyone now knowing that it will be entirely due to the Celebrity Naked Twister and the ensuing social craze and home versions that will become more popular than charades and board games.